Spookyween #4: Halloweeeeeeeeeeen

Greetings all you Hoci and Poci and welcome to the most wonderful day of the year! The veil between this world and the next is thin, witches have taken to the skies, werewolves stalk the streets, and vampires have seen returns on some very smart investments they made in the last fiscal year. The world is buzzing with supernatural energy of the spookiest kind! And tomorrow is me and Nikkie’s anniversary so the party just gets to keep going for me! It’s the only time of the year that I feel really alive.

So here’s something weird: I’ve never talked about the Halloween series on here before. And here’s something even weirder: I hadn’t even seen most of the Halloween series before. I’d seen the first one, the third one, parts of the fourth and sixth, about ten minutes of the one with Busta Rhymes, and the trying-way-too-hard Rob Zombie reboot. But that’s it! You’d think I’d have been all-in on the series that bears the namesake of my high holiday from the very beginning but it wasn’t until a few years ago that I even grew to appreciate John Carpenter’s original. See, I’d seen the very first Halloween when I was pretty young. It was at a time when I was old enough to watch horror movies without crying, but too young to appreciate subtlety. So of course upon my initial viewing I dismissed it as boring and didn’t try again for over a decade. Ah youth. It makes us all so so dumb. Continue reading “Spookyween #4: Halloweeeeeeeeeeen”

Halloween 2017! 5 Overrated Horror Movies.

Hello you roaming spirits searching for you next fix of that sweet sweet soul juice…it’s HALLOWEEN! This is my favorite holiday as I’m sure you could have guessed/I’ve probably said. Seeing all the spooks and creeps makes me feel just so alive. The Halloween season is what I look forward to every year. As soon as my anniversary is done (which happens to be the day after Halloween and is therefore part of Halloween I DON’T CARE WHAT NIKKIE SAYS!) I immediately begin looking forward to the next Halloween season. Which, by the way, starts in July for me.

Sadly though, this Halloween season has been pretty…bad. I’ve felt it everywhere. The decorations feel like an afterthought, the specials are mediocre, youtubers I usually rely on to do a bunch of fun stuff for Halloween have done barely anything or what they’ve done has been cynical. There’s a David Pumpkins animated special and it’s terrible apparently! It’s been a dire year and it shows in this Halloween. Thanks a lot trimp! You ruin everything!

So needless to say this year I’ve been feeling pretty down. So now I’m gonna lean into that feeling and shit all over movies everyone likes! Isn’t that fun?? But I’m not gonna just contribute to the negativity of the year. I’m also going to suggest a better movie to watch instead. So hopefully it’s a net positive! Continue reading “Halloween 2017! 5 Overrated Horror Movies.”

IT Month Finale: Raving about IT

Hello all you traumatized children linked together by a cosmological Turtle! Here we are, the review I’ve been avoiding writing for since before this blog was this blog. I’ll never shut up about how hard it is to write about the things you love and I love this thing more than any other thing. This is my all time favorite book by my all time favorite author with my all time favorite monster. This is the book I’ve read more times than the amount of years I’ve lived. This is the book that makes me want to write while simultaneously making me feel like nothing I write will ever be good enough. This is the only book that I would gladly pay thousands of dollars for a signed first edition.

This, of course, is IT.

Why didn’t you know that? What the hell have I been talking about all month ya dinguses! Don’t you all have egg on your face. Continue reading “IT Month Finale: Raving about IT”

Halloween Month: How Have I not Read This #2 – The Halloween Tree

Howdy ya’ll! Super Hubs here again with another entry of How Have I Not Read This! Today we’re talking about something that I’m legitimately angry I’d never heard of. See, for the first ten or so years of my life I, like everyone else, was a stupid child with practically no say in what books were presented to me. I relied on my parents to make sure I experienced the best possible entertainment for my growing mind. I trusted them. They were all I had in life…and they betrayed me.

See, there’s a book, a wonderous, magical book written by one of the greatest authors of all time. A book that is a celebration of all things Halloween. And I had never heard of it until just a few months ago. It’s a book called The Halloween Tree written by Ray fucking Bradbury! Take that in. Read that sentence. Read it again. Read it eight times. Take in every single word and realize just how much of an outrage it is that I had never heard of this book or read it. Worse, it’s a children’s book which means my parents should have read it to me. They should have made it a yearly ritual. Instead they shoved the fucking Great Pumpkin down my throat and made me think THAT was the best Halloween had to offer. That notion was eventually destroyed when I saw Garfield’s Halloween Adventure but that special didn’t get much play in my home.

Written as a direct response to Great Pumpkin and it’s distinct lack of an actual Great Pumpkin, Ray Bradbury wrote this book to celebrate all its many flavors. It’s a magical time-travelling adventure that explores the origins of Halloween (some origins may be less factual than others) while a bunch of kids say weird things and hope their friend isn’t dead. It’s pretty weird.

This will, by necessity, be a pretty short little post since the book is a children’s book and very very short. I won’t call it a review because it’s a book called The Halloween Tree written by Ray fucking Bradbury. If that doesn’t sell you on the book, nothing will.

So the main character is a boy named Tom Skelton who is dressed as a Skeleton because of course he is. He’s meeting up with some friends to go trick ‘r’ treating. They’re waiting for their friend Pipkin who the book goes to great lengths to paint as the greatest little boy to ever live in all of time ever. He’s fun and smart and awesome and strong and cool and everyone loves being around him. Basically he’s a big hit at parties and he’s awesome at Halloween. So when he doesn’t show up to meet the rest of the group they’re all understandably distressed. They go to his house and he seems down in the dumps. He tells them to meet him later at the big ol’ haunted ass house that everyone knows is haunted. They do this – after trick ‘r’ treating of course – and they meet a weird old dude named Carapace Clavicle Moundshroud and he shows them his Halloween Tree which is just a big ass tree covered in thousands of jack o’ lanterns. He talks to them about Halloween and how awesome it is then they see Pipkin disappear.

Being a responsible adult, Moundshroud tells them to rip up the side of his house and make a kite out of it, also the side of his house might be made of dinosaurs. So they make a kite and Moundshroud uses it to take them through time and explore the dubious origins of Halloween. Each time period is relevant to one of the children’s costumes and it all basically boils down cavemen were scared when the sun went down and when it started to get cold and that fear stuck with us as we evolved. It gets pretty weird and I love every page of it.

In the end they find Pipkin in Mexico being held prisoner by a bunch of mummies and the only way they can save him is if each of the children gives up one year from the end of their life. This is…very troubling but they agree and Pipkin is saved! In the end, it turns out that Pipkin had appendicitis and was at the hospital getting an appendectomy. Which…makes me feel like Moundshroud didn’t need them to give up a year from their lives to save him but oh well Halloween is great and everyone loves it. Moundshroud communicates with Tom Skelton telepathically and is like “yo bro, I’m Death btw lol byeeeee!” All the people extinguish their jack o’ lanterns and the Halloween Tree goes dark and the story ends.

This book is amazing and I can’t wait to read it to my children every year. And possibly every day. Shut up and go read it. You have no excuse. It’s 144 pages and the font is big and it’s written by Ray fucking Bradbury. Shut up and read it!

Happy Halloween! Only 365 days to go before it comes around again. Go forth and be spooky my friends.