Let’s Talk About Five Nights at Freddy’s

I was supposed to do an Undertale post. I was supposed to do that Undertale post three weeks ago. And, if we’re being honest, I was supposed to do that Undertale post almost a year ago. But I have a problem writing about Undertale. I love that game so much, I respect it and all of its elements, it affects me to such a degree that whenever I try to put words down about it I end up hating them. See to me Undertale is a perfect game. Whereas many games have a numbing effect (think your Call of Duties, or your Final Fantasies, where you mow down endless enemies with no recourse and no deeper understanding of what they are other than “bad guys”) Undertale is the opposite. Undertale wants you to feel and it wants you to feel deeply. And it made me feel. It made me feel so hard that it’s nearly impossible for me to talk about it without hating every word. I will get you that Undertale post eventually and I will hate it. I will never be happy with it because nothing I ever write will adequately explain just how much I love Undertale. I am a sentimental ponce and damn proud of it.  Continue reading “Let’s Talk About Five Nights at Freddy’s”

Undertale Pt. 2: A Few Monsters More

Welcome back! Fair warning, this post is going to be very long. We’re gonna focus entirely on the characters today and there are A LOT of them. This whole Undertale thing might wind up taking 10 posts cus I love this damn game. And if that happens, well, I hope you’re looking forward to reading about Undertale for the next three years cus you know how bad I am about posting!

There’s a lot of heart in Undertale. Every character has a unique personality, even the most inconsequential NPC leaves an impression. Whether they’re giving you not-so-useful information or they simply want you to remember their name, every character helps build the world just a little more. So whaddya say we talk about ’em?

Pro-tip: This list will only talk about the boss characters, and it will go in a pretty non-specific order.

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The Last Child: Our Main Character

Pictured here with a hot dog on their head, our silent protagonist is (quite literally) the heart and soul of the game. Cus…in the battle screen, you control a heart…that represents your soul. It makes sense if you’ve played that game, I swear! I call them “The Last Child” because, as is to be expected from an RPG, you can pick your own name at the beginning of the game. The name itself is an interesting dynamic, actually. If you choose certain names, the game will comment on them, and as you play through the game, you will be given hints about your name that all come to a head in the climax. But we’ll get to that later.

The Last Child is ambiguously sexed, but I prefer to think of her as a girl. It doesn’t matter to the story; it’s just how I think, so leave me alone about it!

There’s honestly not too much to say about The Last Child, being a silent protagonist and all. There is however a twist to her actions, one that is driven by the meta nature of the story. But again, we’ll get to that later. I love the design, the squinty eyes, and expressionless face are a constant source of comedy among all the silliness that happens around you. Continue reading “Undertale Pt. 2: A Few Monsters More”

Undertale Pt. 1: A Cave Full of Monsters

SHUT UP! This post is from the old blog and dammit I make myself laugh too much to delete the beginning. So use your damn imagination.


Everybody hush! This post is a secret. A secret secret. A valentine’s secret. That I’m posting on President’s Day; cus if there’s one thing I know, it’s how to take too long to write something.

Remember me!? I’m the husband. I used to write things on here. I still plan on writing things on here but I never get around to it cus I’M THE WORST! I’ll catch up eventually. Maybe. Probably not. But I will write things on here again. Seeing my wife’s work fills me with DETERMINATION.

And so, for my first post in literally three years (ed note: may not be literal) I’m going to post about….a vidja game! Because that’s what you do on a literary blog right? Ehehehe FUCK YOU! Video games have stories too and sometimes those stories are even good. There’s one such game, a little gem you may have heard of if you spend absolutely any time on the internet; a game called . . .

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UNDERTALE is a retro-themed rpg. It has all the familiar tropes: Monsters, Shops, Random Battles, EXP, NPCs! Everything you’ve ever loved about RPGs (if you’re into that sort of thing). UNDERTALE takes all of these thing and – forgive the overused verb – subverts the hell out of them. UNDERTALE is definitely not what you expect on first glance. Continue reading “Undertale Pt. 1: A Cave Full of Monsters”