Hello all you viscera covered DEGENERATES and welcome back to Review The Walking Dead, the recurring feature I’m doing specifically for my mom so she’ll get off my case! In this episode Rick gets a group of people into a deadly situation and then has to get them out. Somehow Rick will wind up becoming the leader of everyone in this show despite his credentials so far being killing a horse and crying in a tank. It’s a fair pickle ol’ Ricky G has found himself in, but there was hope in the form of a mysterious voice over the radio that they’re somehow using. Is it really that easy to communicate over a military radio? Would the radio still be on? How does any of this work anyway? We’ll join Rick in a moment but first we check in on the survivor camp. Someone is gathering mushrooms and asks Lori how to tell if they’re poison. Lori shrugs and goes off to gather more mushrooms. And I mean she really goes off to gather more mushrooms ifyougetwhatimsayinithinkyoudoehehehehehe.
Anyway she fucks The Punisher…after he sneaks up behind her and violently grabs her mouth and pushes her to the ground. Some real weird foreplay they got goin on but I’m not here to kink-shame. The camera lingers on a silver heart locket – clearly meant to imply her relationship with Rick – as she takes it off. And then it lingers on it some more as we see her face in the background. This scene is weird and it seems to be framing Lori as the bad guy even though The Punisher would be equally culpable in betraying Rick. Have they been schtupping since before the apocalypse?
Also, why do Lori and The Punisher have to sneak away from camp in order to carry out their thing? As far as everyone knows Rick is dead and I think the zombo apocalypse isn’t the right time to have moral hangups about people finding comfort in one another. All of this just adds to my confusion about the timeline. How long has this zombo apocalypse been going on? How quickly did society break down exactly? I think I mentioned this in the last post but I’m gonna explore this in a supplemental post soon. I have many questions.
Anyway, Rick is cowering in the tank and the voice is like, “bro you’re so stupid but I guess I’ll help you get out. He gives him an idea of where the zombos are clustered and is like, “yo just make a run for it and come find me in an alley.” Rick takes his advice but almost fucks it up by doing an action hero leap off the tank and twisting his ankle – this will never come up again even though he’s clearly limping in this scene – but he makes it to the alley and runs out of ammo in the gun he had. He said he had 15 bullets but he only shot 14, I counted. This will forever bother me. The guy introduces himself as Glenn and he’s immediately my favorite cus he calls Rick a dumbass. Glenn is the one who doesn’t die and then does at some point in the show. I’m not looking forward to that.
So Glenn takes Rick to his group and a lady named Andrea shoves a gun in his face and blames him for their imminent deaths. Rick takes this very well and tries to explain that he was trying to summon the helicopter person and everyone is like “The hell are you talking about bro? Ain’t no helicopter.” I’m not sure how no one else heard it or saw the horrifying, twisted amalgamation of man and metal soaring through the air, but here we are. The mystery of that helicopter better have a damn payoff!
More importantly MICHAEL ROOKER IS HERE!
Oh wait…he’s a racist. And a cartoonish one at that. Good. He beats a guy up (T-Dog, though I’m not sure if anyone ever says his name in this episode) and the rest of the group just stand around like idiots. And Rick, who tried to stop the fight earlier and got punched, just crouches on the ground watching like an asshole. Eventually Rick comes ot his senses, hits Michael Rooker with a rifle, and handcuffs him to a pipe. Michael then tries to convince Andrea to take the handcuffs off by calling her sugar tits. And then when she says no he calls her rug muncher. Who wrote this? Seriously. There are better ways to show that someone is awful. Also earlier he called one of the group “taco bender.” I choose to believe this was a very strange, racist reference to Avatar. That adds an interesting dimension to his otherwise terribly written character.
Rick comes up with a plan to take some trucks from a nearby construction site but they have to go through huge crowds of zombos to get there. So he comes up with the very weird idea to smear themselves in zombo guts. It’s only a clever plan by virtue of the fact that it works. But also how did nobody else ever think to do that?
He and Glenn smear themselves in blood and drape some guts over their shoulders and the plan is working but the god of the Walking Dead universe hates Rick so it starts to rain and wash away the smell. I don’t know how it’s washing away the smell of the guts literally draped over their bodies, but here we are. After the zombos give them some fucking masterful side-eye, they make a break for the construction site climb a fence. And then a zombo climbs the fence after them which is interesting. Weird how they have so much mobility.
So Rick hotwires a car for Glenn to drive and distract the zombos while he takes a truck to pick up the others. T-Dog drops the handcuff key down a weird…roof shaft thing. It happens in the dumbest way possible. He’s running back to Michael Rooker to uncuff him and then he trips and the key is basically magnetically drawn to the thing. It was a one-in-a-million occurrence. So they ditch Michael Rooker and everyone is looking at T-Dog in the truck like he did it on purpose. Glenn, meanwhile, is tearing ass down the highway in his car just having the time of his life.
Overall the episode was pretty good. Some real tension, some good action, Glenn. It’s bogged down by the terrible writing for Michael Rooker that basically just goes down the racist asshole cliché playbook but I can forgive it for that. I just hate that Michael Rooker was wasted. Cus he’s Michael Fucking Rooker.
Before they destroy the zombo body Rick takes his wallet to find out who he was before the zombos. He says if he makes it out alive he’ll be sure to tell his family about the guy – whose name is Wayne. Will he actually do this? He better!
While coming up with the plan to escape one of the group – a woman named Jacqui – says that she worked as a city planner. She says this specifically to Glenn. How do they not know that already? Do they just…not talk at the camp? Have they never had a discussion about their pasts?
Why did Rick have to mansplain safeties to Andrea? They’re living in a zombo apocalypse. Her camp is apparently led by The Punisher. Has nobody taught her how to use a gun? Why would they let her go on this mission into the city if she didn’t know how to use a gun?
She also asks Rick if taking a necklace from the store would be considered looting. Girl, what? What do you think your group was doing in the city in the first place?
What happened to the first episode’s thoughtful view of the zombos as something to pity? In this episode it’s just “let’s murder the shit outta some monsters!” Kind of a big change from the first episode’s “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”